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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the words gen Z is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reaction is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {